How come on tv and in movies when they brush their teeth it’s little quaint brushing with a little spit at the end, with me it’s a frothy toothpaste explosion.

tumblrofjordan:

sorry.

They don’t do it right!

"And then it becomes about hate! And then it’s nothing to do with it any more! It’s about gangs and scumbags like you roaming the country seeing who can cause the most trouble."

You know what? Maybe I’ll be a doctor someday.

Letter to every non-Latino person ever:

Stop refering to boobs as “tatas”.

NOBODY calls them that.

NOBODY.

Sincerely,

Your average Latina.

PS: Yes, YES, I’m Latina.

Letter to my future better half (wherever he is):

I might not smile a lot, but:

• I probably won’t lie a lot either.
• I am one hell of a cook.
• My hair is softer than it looks.
• I am not jealous. Not at all.
• I am always on time.
• I have nice boobs. Also my butt is cute too or so I’ve been told but that’s your decision to make so.
• I don’t spend a lot on anything.
• When I’m not with you (providing we ever get together), I’ll probably won’t be cheating, since I spend most of the time alone or with my good friends Walter White and Jesse Pinkman.
• I sing a lot, but I can stop if you ask me nicely.
• I will draw doodles of your face and be extremely forgiving when doing so.
• I am used to the bus, so I won’t ask you to drive me anywwhere (but if you want to, I won’t object).
• I will always be up for ice cream. And other things.
• I am very higienic, and I’m not sexually active, so you won’t catch anything from me except from certain forms of obsession with Six Feet Under.
• In 5 years, you’ll get dental care for free.
• I like kids. Now, you might not want kids in the future and that’s 100% okay, but seriously, who likes someone who’s mean to little kiddies?
• I ship Kurtofsky. SHUT UP, THAT COUNTS.
• I cry a lot. Now, you might consider that a bad thing, but it’s not, if you think about it: it means that I’m letting all that emotion out and I’m less likely to take it out on you.
• I can be adorable sometimes. I don’t know when exactly, or how to make that happen, but I swear I’ve seen it once or twice.
• I don’t sleep a lot, but I don’t enjoy watching people sleep either (so you’re safe!).
• I am very tidy.
• I eat a lot of dark chocolate so I get my daily dosage of endorphins and am less likely to be bitchy because I’ll be too high on chocolate. Also that may trick me into loving you so it will be easier for you to win my heart. Tip: always carry some chocolate with you.
• I excercise regularly. It’s been scientifically proven that if you have overweight friends, you’re more likely to be overweight. By not being overweight, I’m making you less chubby. Also it is said that excercise habits are contagious. So I’m adding a few years to your life, just like that.
• I’m of Hispanic/European/Middle Eastern descent, which means that our kids will be beautiful.
• I don’t snore.
• I don’t have any annoying habits such as chewing gum, or leaving the lights on. In fact, I am very thorough with that. 
• I give THE BEST HUGS EVER. Which means I’m probably an excellent cuddler. Which might not be EXACTLY what you’re looking for, but I ‘m always up for a challenge.
• My girl friends are awesome, and my male friends are taken.
• My family is awesome and my dad isn’t too scary.
• My height is average, I have clear skin, medium hips, relatively low body fat, curly hair, straight teeth, nice boobs… all signs of fertility.
• I’m a Scorpio. How badass is that?
• I don’t smoke, so you won’t get any second-hand lung cancer from me.
• I am up to travel the world, anytime you like.

That’s how good of a catch I am.
Now, are you going to throw it all away just because I don’t smile a lot?

That’s not very smart, is it?

FUCK EVERYONE WHO DOESN’T THINK I’M ADORABLE.

Today I sprained my ankle when I tripped over some stones while trying to run away from a train coming my way (I obviously got away with that). True story.